I finally got my ears pierced. Yes. I did it, at age 31.
For most people, especially women, getting the ears pierced is no big deal. Practically every woman around has at least one hole in each lobe to wear some earrings when she wishes. Ear piercing has been a right of passage for generations. Many girls got their ears pierced when they became adolescents, sometimes getting it done on their birthdays. Things have changed now, and it has become more common these days to have babies and toddlers wearing earrings now.
For me, I was raised with the idea that I would never pierce my ears, ever. See, I was raised in the Seventh-day Adventist Church. The church traditionally has been against jewellery wearing. Even today, their schools ban all jewellery. Members of the church who have jobs within the denomiation cannot wear jewellery to work. Even wedding bands have been a big subject of controversy. It took many years for wedding bands to become acceptable to wear. After many fights and tears, legislation was passed that pastors and employers cannot force people to remove wedding bands.
When I was a young child, I was taught that Jesus didn't want me to wear jewellery. All jewellery was bad, and it was for "worldly" people to wear. I felt that if I were to wear any sort of adornment, even cheap adornment, I would lose all my salvation. I remember being in Kindergarten and the teacher had us all wear paper bracelets for a day. She made red paper bracelets for our right hands and green paper bracelets for our left hands. Those were meant to teach us the difference between our right and left hands. When she came to my seat and tried to put the bracelets on me, I screamed and shrieked and stuck my hands in my desk. She quickly moved on. After all, I couldn't let her put those on me! My eternal salvation was at stake!
I made it to my adult life without wearing earrings. Yet, I questioned the Adventist standing on jewellery a lot. I went to Andrews University when I was nineteen years old. I never wore jewellery there because I knew it was the school rules not to do so. I also still had some fear in my heart. I brought up the subject sometimes, and I just heard from people things like "that's just the way it is" and "the church has to be right". I finally did figure out that it did have nothing to do with salvation. It's religious culture.
I did get jobs with the church. I taught English in Korea for a year and a half, and of course wasn't allowed to wear jewellery to work. Some teachers wore it outside of work, yet most of us didn't seem to own any there. Later on I went home and lived with my family for a while. I was always worried about disappointing my family. I didn't want my family to think I am going to lose my salvation. One must understand the hold that a sect can have on people.
Later on I went back to Korea and found work at an Adventist high school. One of my male friends came to visit me. He said to me "I'm glad you're not like the other women", while he was pointing to his ears and drawing a necklace on himself with his finger. He felt that I was a good Christian woman, in part because I wasn't wearing jewellery. That did make me feel good, being accepted.
When that contract finished I got work at a secular institution. I finally went out and had my ears pierced, an anti-tragus. That is one of the rare piercings of the cartilage. It was extremely painful. In fact, the pain continued. I had trouble sleeping. Even weeks later I sometimes had pain. Finally one of the barbells came out. I just took all of it out, I had enough.
I did get my lobes done though. I wore the earrings around and liked it. Then I went to a wedding of two Seventh-day Adventists. I took the earrings out for the wedding. I didn't want my friends to see me in them. After the wedding I tried to re-insert the earrings, and only one went in. I pushed and pushed the other one in, and it bled. I finally gave up and vowed to have it re-pierced later.
I soon decided to leave Korea and go home. I took out the other earring so my family wouldn't see it. My mother noticed the marks on my ears. I overheard her talking to my sister saying "She pierced her ears. She was around other people who did the same".
Finally, at the end of the summer, I decided to get my ears re-pierced. I had some very tiny studs put in. The right ear was pierced quickly. The left ear was more painful, since it had more scar tissue. I didn't tell my family. My mother eventually figured it out. "You pierced your ears" she said. And later on she did say "you are still my daughter, earrings and all". She hasn't spoken of it. Nobody at church has said anything to me either. When I did the children's story a few weeks ago in church, I made sure the earrings were out before I went up.
Finally yesterday, New Year's Eve, I decided to get two more holes put in. I picked similar tiny barbells. Now I have three little balls in a row. I like the way they look. I felt like I was walking on air. I was grinning from ear to ear when I was checking out the earrings at another jewellery counter. A man was also there, and he was talking to me. I could tell he was flirting. He said "hey, why don't you pick out a pair for me, I'll wear those!". I just smiled and pointed at a pair of crystal studs. I do know that men do like women who are confident and happy.
I finally realized that I do have to stop worrying about what people think of me. It was something that I was trained to do, follow everything the church taught me and don't question it. It was something that created a lot of anxiety for me and a lot of depression. I had to realize that people either like me or they don't. I need to stop trying to make people like me.
Today, I went over to a different mall with my sister and got two more holes put in each ear, these higher up on the ear and in the cartilage. Those hurt terribly, but now, about four hours later, they finally don't hurt. I saw my right ear brusing while I looked in a mirror. I went to the restroom and put on some of the anti-septic they gave me.
I know that putting 8 new holes in my body in two days isn't something anyone would recommend. I just feel that for 2012, I want a new me. I want to be someone who will not be afraid to make my own choices. I want to be someone who is confident and not worry about what others think.
Now I need to clean my ears again.
